My mistake about God’s faithfulness

For 7 weeks this fall, I made my way down to the radiation department to receive treatment for breast cancer.   The ladies dressing room is at the end of the hall, and before you get there, you have to pass the room where the kids are getting sedated for their radiation treatment.  They lay there in their hospital beds, starting to doze off with their fuzzy blankets up to their chins and you would probably never know something was wrong with them except for the fact that they are in that particular room and they are usually bald.

But even that isn’t as unsettling to me as their parents.  Usually there is a parent sitting in a chair, head on their child’s bed.  And always, always, holding their child’s hand.  The parents are so obviously exhausted, worried, and sometimes you can clearly recognize the dazed look on their faces—still in shock perhaps by the fact that they are facing something that must seem completely inconceivable. The whole thing just doesn’t seem natural, but somehow you are living through it anyway.

And everyday I walked by that room, the Lord whispered to me “I am faithful, Nancy.” 

And I wanted to believe that.  But in those times, it sure was hard to believe that the Lord is faithful.

It was hard because I had made a big mistake regarding His faithfulness. 

Now that my hair is coming back, it has become a huge topic of conversation.  The main themes have been the following: Yes, I am wearing these bandanas until I have proper bangs.  Yes, my BFF and I dyed my hair because the sides came in gray and I don’t like that.  Yes, I look like a baby chick when the bandanas are off because my hair sticks straight up. 

And always those conversations end with me saying that God is faithful. And I know that some of those who hear me say that think I am saying God is faithful because I am cancer free. But that daily trek down to radiation therapy seeing those precious bald heads and their exhausted parents changed my understanding of His faithfulness.

He showed me how faithful He is by letting me have cancer.  Because through this experience, I have been drawn closer to His throne than ever before.  And that has allowed me to finally accept a gift that He has been offering me for a long time that I have refused to accept--the gift of peace.  He was faithful to put me in a situation to make sure I could accept that gift and enjoy its full potential.

Because we were never meant to live in a spirit of discontent.  A spirit of fear.  A spirit of grief.

And Oh.  Let me tell you.  Accepting the gift of peace from the Prince of Peace….well, it will quite frankly change your life.     

Because that is what he does.  He changes lives. 

He does that with unfailing faithfulness.