I cradled that yellow bucket full of crumpled paper and cried. I hadn't wanted to see it so full. I was hoping for a bucket that had maybe a few wadded up pieces in it, and that the green one would be overflowing.
But that was not reality.
We had done an exercise in 5/6 GLOW where I had given each kid a piece of paper. I told them the piece of paper represented all the time they spend in a day thinking. And to ask themselves how much of their time they spend worrying, and how much time they spend thinking about other things.
I illustrated with my piece of paper.
I told the kids that I wish I could say that there is just one little corner of my paper that I would rip off that would represent how much of my thinking time is spent worrying. But the truth is, before I had cancer, I spent most of my thinking time worrying about stuff.
Then I crumpled up the big piece of paper representing worry and threw it into the yellow bucket.
And I crumpled up the little piece of paper representing everything else and threw it into the green bucket.
I asked them to rip their piece of paper in proportion to how much of their
thoughts are spent on worrying, and how much of their thoughts are spent
on everything else, and to place them in the respective buckets. Green for everything else, yellow for worrying.
Then I waited, holding my breath. Hoping for something healthier than how I was.
Instead, the yellow bucket was full. And I cried.
Beloved, God never meant for us to be slaves to worry. He says so in Matthew Chapter 6 starting at verse 25 plus. And He has given us the precision tools to help set us free from worry. Tools that have helped me battle worry effectively.
One. Write down all the ways He has shown you love in past and have confidence that He will continue to show how much he loves you in your current situation and in your future. You will be surprised at how long the list is! I wrote about that a while back (http://nancygarlingtransparent.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-confidence-in-myself.html).
Two. Keep your eyes on Jesus. When your focus is on The Lord, it is nearly impossible to be intensely worried about anything. Prayer is one way, but on tough days, finite times of prayer may not cut it. That's when I upgrade to communing with The Lord--constant conversation with Him throughout the day. It brings great relief to me.
Three. Read scripture. Some of you will remember that my pockets were stuffed with scriptures while I was going through cancer treatments. My friend Emily put them on a ring of index cards for me now--but I still carry them with me everywhere I go.
Four. Listen to songs that are encouraging and talk about what we should do in the storms of life. Last night we played "I Am" by Crowder, "Overcomer" by Mandisa, "God's Not Dead" by Newboys, "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin, "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns and "Smile" by Kirk Franklin. These are ones I leaned on during my cancer treatments, and the kids were crazy about them.
I wish I could tell you that I don't worry anymore. But this is me being transparent with you. I still battle the tendency to worry. Particularly before the next mammogram or doctor's appointment. It's exhausting!
But The Lord loves me with perfect tenderness even then. And that's an encouraging thought.
And sharing that with a room full of 5th and 6th graders was my calling last night. Because those kiddos worry. I know that not just from the full yellow bucket, but because they were absolutely silent while I talked about the tools to help you battle worrying and the number of kids who came up to me afterwards and asked me how they can find scriptures like the ones I have on my index cards.
I once asked my mom why she thought I struggle with worry so much. She
told me that God made me that way. I started to protest when she said that because it hurt and it made me feel yucky about myself. But she stopped me and added, "Baby, you were made that way so that you could encourage others who battle worry that they don't have to live like that."
So tonight, during our family time, we are not going to read Keys for Kids. We are going to talk about worrying. Because I need my kiddos to know they don't have to be slaves to worry. There is a better way. The Lord's Way. I hope you will go home to your kiddos too and encourage them.
Together we can kick that yellow bucket to the curb.
