Our three kiddos delight in the story Vern and I tell about when we were dating. Since it is well-documented that people's ability to make good choices drops dramatically after 10PM, we had decided not to see each other after 10PM until we were married. Our close circle of friends knew about this self-imposed curfew and helped us stay accountable to it. One of our dearest friends at that time was a cop in town, and he would often patrol the street where Vern's house was around 10PM to make sure I was no longer there. Once in a while, I would still be there, and he would shine his spotlight on us in the driveway and "woop" his siren a bit to get us moving along.
The kids giggle at this story, Vern and I smile, and all of us see an example of how Godly people work together to honor God.
Honor God?
That's right. God intended sex to occur between a man and a woman who are married. Vern and I wanted to make sure we honored God by waiting to have sex until we were married. It was going to be hard and so we asked some close friends to help us stay accountable to that. Vern and I giggled often that first week after we got married, because it was really weird being together after 10PM!
"Mom, tell the other part of the story!" one of the kiddos urged.
Ok, so then a few months after Vern and I got married, we went to the doctor because I was pregnant. When the doctor's due date estimation included the possibility that Vern and I had sex before we got married, I got HOT MAD.
"That's just not possible! We did NOT have sex before we got married, and your little index card there says I may have gotten pregnant before July 14th." I had stood up in the doctor's office, while both my husband and the obstetrician looked at me with blank stares.
"Mrs. Garling, that's just an estimation."
"Well, your estimation is wrong and I would like you to change it. We worked hard to honor God in that, and I want credit for it. I won't let some little index card take that away from us!"
Vern sat grinning as the doctor changed the index card so that the beginning date of possible conception was July 14th (the day we got married), and I sat down again, quite satisfied.
The kids giggle again, and seem to never tire of this story that shows how we honored God even in our family planning. A story that shows them we live by what we teach them, even when it's hard. Because they are all in that age now where we talk about the boundaries of sex often and I am thankful we have that story to tell them.
So fast forward to this week. A dear friend and family member of ours shared on Facebook that she is pregnant. Many wrote back and congratulated her.
Why didn't I?
Because in my world, I have a 12 year old daughter who admires this woman. And I had to tell her that this woman--recently divorced with three young boys of her own--is having sex with a man who is not her husband and they are having a baby. I have to comfort my daughter as she cries through her heartbreak and disappointment that this woman she thought was a great follower of Christ is not what she appeared to be.
Part of me should be glad this happened. It gives me the opportunity to show my daughter that we all make bad choices and cause pain to others--but that God in His mercy and grace loves us despite these terrible ways we disobey him.
But the other part of me is just angry. Can I be transparent here and say that? Angry that I had to tell my daughter this news and watch as her heart broke. Worried that stuff like this will start making that wide road of disobedience look acceptable to her. Frustrated that role models of single Christian women who honor God with their bodies seem rare. If you are one, please stand up and testify to the awesome power of obedience to The Lord.
Fight for that day in the future when your kiddos sit on your couch and giggle as you tell them about making the doctor change the dates on your index card. Because choosing to honor God with your body makes you a champion among us.
