Ditching Plan B

It caught my eye on a shopping trip in 1999. A poster with a small pine tree surrounded by tall walls of rock. Below the scene was the word “DETERMINATION”. I sure did admire that little pine tree determined to grow in an impossible environment. I knew it was going to inspire me for years to come if I parked it on the door of my new office at my new job. For the last 17 years, that poster has greeted me each morning as I open my office door oftentimes giving me the gumption I needed to pull my big girl panties on and face the challenges of that day.

About two weeks ago, I hesitated as I opened my office door. Like a bell that went from a beautiful ringing sound to the less familiar but distinctive and unpleasant “clunk”, the image no longer boosted my resolve for the day. I thought nothing of it, until the next morning when it happened again. So, just like all strange problems that pop up like that, I took it to The Lord and asked Him what I should make of this sudden change of attitude regarding the pine tree surrounded by rock walls.

The answer was in the question. It is a pine tree surrounded by rock walls. I smiled to the heavens with a good little giggle, marched to that door, ripped up the poster and put it in the trash.

What in the world, Nancy, have you lost your mind?

Ok, hear me out for a minute. Let’s say you want to plant a tree. You have two choices in real estate to put it. The first is in hard ground surrounded by rock walls. The second is soft rich soil out in the light. Now I don’t have much of a green thumb, but even I know most trees need their roots to go deep into the soil and their tops require lots of sunlight. The pine tree in my poster didn’t have either of those things and so it was short, stubby, and in pretty rough shape. Hard ground and rock walls will do that to trees.

It will do that to people too.

More times than I care to admit, I have been that pine tree. Surviving a life of hard ground and rock walls. And if I am truly transparent about it, I will tell you that I have often built those rock walls myself. For the rest of you rock wall building experts, you get me here. The walls keep anymore hurt out of your life. So when people are hurtful, we pick up our tools and start building those rock walls higher and higher so that people can’t get in and hurt us anymore.

But that is not the type of life Our Creator God intends for us to live. He created us to live in soft rich soil out in the light. It grieves His heart when we put ourselves on hard ground surrounded by the rock walls we have built.

“Oh, but Nancy,” you might say to me, “God doesn’t understand the hurt I’ve endured. It’s better for me to be here within my walls where I am safe.”

Believe me, you guys, I totally get that about you. Because that was how I felt about it too. Even that very afternoon on the day I ripped that poster off my door, I was back to building those rock walls. Hurt so bad I cried for a day.

But I was not alone in my grief. Jesus who had been crucified by those He loved sat beside me. Helped me to see that living as a short, stubby pine tree on hard ground surrounded by rock walls is a horrible plan. And He’s a Plan A only kind of guy.

God’s Plan A for us is to grow our roots deep into rich soil and be bathed in the warmth of sunlight. TO THRIVE. Because Father God made us to thrive. He didn’t create us to dream up and execute some rotten Plan B that has us building rock walls on hard ground. EVER.

How can anyone thrive in a world of hurt? I admit, I don’t have all of the answers. But I do know that when I walk alongside others who are hurting, my desire to build walls around myself fades away. Because in those times, I am the hands and feet of Jesus. And He becomes all I need. No matter what kind of hurt I’ve got staring at me, He is my portion and that gives me hope (Lamentations 3:24). It’s a “Plan A” kind of living.

There will still be days when you want to build rock walls around yourself. The desire will become less and less the more you thrive under Plan A. But what do you do when you do feel like building rock walls? Make two calls. The first call is to Jesus. Shredding your Plan B is a tricky business of the heart, and you are going to need Jesus to take care of that. Your heart and your flesh will fail, but He is your strength (Psalm 73:26). The second call is to someone in your life that you know is a wall-builder too. Just telling that person you’re getting set to build your walls is one sure way to see to it that you don’t—because oftentimes those kinds of walls can only be built if nobody is paying attention.

We are clever rock wall builders, aren’t we?

But God who IS the ROCK (Psalm 18:2) sings over you (Zephaniah 3:17), Beloved. Calling you to a rich life in Him. Toss that Plan B out the door. You simply don’t need it.

Rockin' Babies

"She sure does love rocking' those babies!" one of my friends had commented about our mutual friend, Lee.

You see, Lee is a NICU nurse. For decades, she has cared for premature babies in the hospital. In fact, it was in the NICU that Lee and I truly became friends. I had known her from church, but almost 14 years ago, my cousin had her daughter prematurely and Lee was her nurse. It was during that time that Lee and I truly became friends. And during that time of frequent visits to the NICU, I learned a thing or two about NICU nurses and discovered that my friend Lee was legendary.

There are basically four things that a premature baby needs: a calming environment because they are easily over-stimulated, outside heat to keep them warm because they don't do a good job keeping their own body temperature, oxygen because their lungs aren't developed enough to provide it for themselves, and tube feedings because they are too little and weak to bottle feed (or nurse).

Two of these needs--calming environment and tube feedings are what make Lee legendary. Premature babies have very subtle signs of anxiety, but Lee could always read them quickly. Many times I saw her calmly stop what she was doing and turn to a bassinet across the room behind her back just in time to see a slight shift in a baby's heart rate. And before you could say "how did you know that they were getting upset?" Lee would be calming them down with soft words and a gentle hand.

Then there were tube feedings. Premature babies are tricky to take off tube feedings in which the milk is placed into the stomach directly through a tube that they put down the baby's throat. It's tricky because you have to teach them to suck and the action of suckling wears them out which causes their heart rate to drop. Lee of course, gets all of the hard cases. Because shoot. Even a premature baby knows its easier to be tube fed than work for your food by suckling.

Maybe it's her tone. Her attitude? I don't know. All I know is that all of the hard cases go to Lee who gets them bottle feeding as if they've been doing it for weeks. WITHOUT the heart rate drops that can be so scary and hard on baby's tiny heart.

"Do you want to hold her?" Lee asked me one day when I was there to visit. My little premature cousin was still hooked up to tubes, but could keep her own body heat for a time.

"Don't worry, Nancy. See? Look at her heart rate. She stays calm when she hears your voice. She will love being held by you."

Oh gosh.

So I sat in the rocking chair and Lee handed me that tiny baby girl. So fragile. So in need. And I was flooded with compassion and love for this tiny being in my arms.

And I realized right then that God sees us just like that. Holding us gently because we are so fragile and vulnerable. Wanting to keep us calm, breathing, warm, and full in a way that only He can provide.

But so often we don't let Him do what His heart longs to do for us. We refuse to let go of the tube feeding because we enjoy the easy road. We refuse to take comfort in the gentle voice of The Father and instead try to find comfort from others. We refuse to breathe fresh air and instead suck the stale air that is there in the pit we made for ourselves.  We refuse His offer of warm shelter and choose the cold world.

Do we not remember that Our Maker sings over us while we sleep? It is a sign of the joy He feels when we allow Him to love us.

"I don't think she understands all that science stuff you're saying quite yet, Nancy." Lee gently teased me as she checked on the wee human package I was holding.

"No," I said, smiling back at Lee, "but she understands the tone of my voice. She knows she is loved. That's all that matters."

Indeed, Beloved. Know that you are loved by The One True God. And that He takes joy in loving you.